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Yes, this was supposed to be a daily thing.  Yes, it soon will become a daily thing.  (A little help with the strange, bizarre and other-worldly form you all might help…).  To catch-up, here’s a double dose of stuff you might not hate.

We’ll start off with things from the Don’t Eat While Reading This department:

A pedestrian was dragged 17+ miles underneath a car in New York City yesterday.  dragged

Apparently he’d already been hit (and maybe killed) and then got stuck underneath a vehicle that failed to swerve for the ‘obstruction’ in the road.  I don’t know – 17 miles is a bit much.  I think the smell of frying bacon issuing from my muffler would have made me pull over earlier.  The victim’s remains are described as ‘scraped’.  I wonder if he was face down…?
From the NY Times.

From the There Ain’t No Justice Department – Texas Division:

An ex Texas Sheriff pled guilty to rape and now gets to go home while awaiting sentencing.  Seems that State Governors aren’t the only ones playing ‘pay-to-play'; Sheriff Bill Keating (formerly of Montague county) had a nice little scam going.  Put out or get arrested.  Now he’s facing up to ten years in jail (put out or we’ll kill you) – but, because he was a Sheriff (!?!) he get’s to go home before being sentenced.  I wonder if this might not make a good story line for those ‘adults only’ scenario games we’re starting to hear about.  You can become  even more disgusted by reading the entire article here .

If you’re still here, how about some kittens to lighten the mood?  Here’s a youtube video that’s being proclaimed as the most kittenish kitten video EVAH! Video

Ballistics Are Forever.  Two satellites collided in orbit yesterday.  That’s like a 100 paintballs, fired by 100 paintballers, from 100 different locations, all colliding in air at the same time.  The amount of space junk (let alone the number of working satellites) has risen to almost dangerous proportions.  We can expect more of this happening in the future.  On the flipside, it just might be the solution to global warming.  Get enough of that junk up there and it will act like orbital sunscreen.  More here.

Guys Who Play With Dolls.  Given the age of most paintballers, I think it’s safe to accuse you all of playing with dolls. Tranformers? GI Joe and Cobra? Star Wars? Spawn? Call it whatever you want to, but when it comes right down to it, you all were playing with dolls. 

toys

Now of course you’re all grown up and you play with paintballs – but I bet you still have at least one favorite “action figure” hidden away somewhere. Well, here’s a guy who has tens of thousands of them and he talked his home town into opening up a museum. The Toy and Action Figure Museum.  And I bet he doesn’t play paintball.

Maybe It’s Ok To Play With Dolls – But DON’T Play With Trains.  The BBC has video up of three near-misses.  One was so close the pedestrian train-baiter lost a shoe! Watch it here.

From the Alternative Uniforms Department:  Want to stand out and wear a field uniform you just know no one else is going to be wearing?  Try some latex. 

latexleggings

(Oh come on, like you guys aren’t kinky already! You play paintball, right?)  Here’s an article on how to make your own at home (and save yourself the trouble and questions that follow your visit to the ‘specialty’ sex shoppe).  Learn how here.

LATER!

How To Pimp Your Daddy

Since no one has yet seen fit to send in their sponsor props, I figured there must be some kind of communication error.  So I’ll fix that right now by showing you all how to get and give FREE advertising and promotion to your sponsors.

It’s actually pretty simple – but then that word “simple” seems to get pretty complicated when used around paintballers so – step by step instructions:

1. find or take a photo of your star player (that means YOU to anyone reading this)

2. make sure the photo shows (YOU) in all your paintball gear – especially that jersey, sandana, pants, gloves, gun, loader, mask and pack that feature your SPONSORS logos all over them

3. write down the NAMES of your sponsors.  ALL of them (because the ones that get left out don’t like getting left out and will say something not nice to you).

4. email the picture and the list to 68Caliber 2.0

When it’s all done, it should look something like this picture from the OC Bushwackers team.  (Hi Ron!)

pimp

That’s when I do it.  You can do it too – and probably make it look a lot better.

 

duct-tape3

 

Speaking of Duct Tape:  I mentioned the fact that paintballers were prone to using duct tape in lieu of bandages the other day.  Now comes the announcement of MAGNETIC duct tape.  Back in the day, we used stretchy, rubbery electrical tape for virtually everything (except bandages – we used leaves and vines for that; used the vines to hold the saranwrap goggles on our heads too – but those only protected us from square paintballs anyways).  This magnetic tape looks pretty handy – just remember to keep it away from the IC chips… to order

 Speaking of Goggles and Masks: Here’s a pretty bizarre option for those folks who want to look, ummmm, strange unique, yeah, that’s the word:  unique…special… while on the field.  It’s a new ski-mask of all things:

mask

If you really want one of these, you can find out how to make one here.

Finally, from the MOST ASSUREDLY, DEFINITELY, UNDOUBTEDLY, UNEQUIVOCALLY AND TOTALLY NOT Safe For Work Department:

Someone has cut together EVERY &%#*@#! SINGLE &*%$#@!*&^ CURSE WORD THAT’S EVER ^*%#&*(@ APPEARED ON THE ^%$&()# SOPRANOS!

In ^%##&*^ chronological %$#@&^$ order, no less! Watch it here.  (Don’t forget to turn up – or down – the volume, depending on your circumstances!

HEY!  Don’t forget to visit 68Caliber, don’t forget to buy my book when it comes out in April and STUFF PAINTBALLERS MIGHT NOT HATE is your thing too:  if you find something bizarre, strange, weird interesting, send it on it!

PIMP YOUR DADDY!

Another new feature on the blog starts real soon (I hope).

STUFF PAINTBALLERS MIGHT NOT HATE is 68Caliber’s way of sending something out to the paintball community.  Now it’s time for you all to send something in.

I call it PIMP YOUR DADDY and it’s real simple.  Take a photo of yourself in all your sponsored gear.  Email it in with a list of your sponsors, your team or field or company name (or just your name)  and we’ll stick it right up here for everyone else to see!

It’s About Time Paintballs Air Force Got Some Reinforcements!

Considering what folks spend on guns, masks, cool clothes (shhh, we won’t mention paint) I don’t think <$2500 bucks is too much to spend for an air force squadron.  Five drones at under $500 each!  Will you be the first kid on your block to mod it with a paintgun?

drone

Paintball Tech Adapted For M&Ms?

You can now get custom, personalized M&Ms.  And I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that the high-tech printing process used to make it all happen is the same as is used to print logos on paintballs.  And no, you can’t put porn pics on them.

Paintball Photographers Prepare To Salivate!

From Crunchgear, two new Nikon MAX-ZOOM digital cameras.  One is a puny girly-man that can only zoom 15 times, the other will PUMP YOU UP! to a whopping 24x zoom.  Prices are very reasonable.  You’d be able to take pictures of the sweat on the sweat with that thing.

Everyone knows that paintballers are a fanatical lot:  Paintball IS my life is featured on a lot of t-shirts.  PB4Life on stickers.  And that’s a good thing – but there is more to life than paintball (gasp!).  Yes, I said it and I hate to be the one shoving reality in your faces, but while saying ‘live, eat, breath, paintball’ is a nice sentiment, I know a few back players who’d slim down pretty quick if that was actually their diet.

So I’m starting a new feature on the blog today – STUFF PAINTBALLERS MIGHT NOT HATE – that will feature a daily selection of interesting tidbits from around the web, things I think you all might be able to get into or find interesting, or maybe even helpful. 

You all probably have some things you’d like to pass on as well – and here’s a hint:  if you send in suggestings I’ll feature them (if appropriate:  leave the porn and stuff like that – unless it’s REALLY good – somewhere else) and link to your website.  Send an image of you, your team, your company logo and get yourself a little more internet cred.  Send them here as a comment – or email them into 68caliber.com.

I’m going to kick this off right now with -

STUFF PAINTBALLERS MIGHT NOT HATE:

The Proper Way To Treat A Paintball Injury

Got a Boo Boo from that latest faceplant?  Don’t just stick any old piece of duct tape on it – stick a Scab on it!  World’s grossest bandages from Scab Bandages scabs

Liquid Baby Bombs?

If you’re planning on attending an overseas event and you might be stopping over at Heathrow – check out this piece about the kinds of security BS you just might run into.  Hint:  leave the babies at home. 

No Need To Use A Paintball Gun To Commit Crime -

Use a Klingon Bat’leth instead!  Denver’s Channel 7 Reports on an individual who’s robbing stores using a ‘traditional Klingon (Star Trek) weapon’.  Hey dude – get a life!  batleth

THAT’S NOT A PAINTBALL GUN

raygun

No, put it is a pretty cool ray gun.  Maybe one of the custom gun makers out there might take a hint

From author Robert Rankin, who does his own book covers and builds cool stuff to feature on them. 

PORN

Just in case you still haven’t figured out the difference between porn and real sex – here’s a new site recently created just to explain it all.

Video Geeks Unite

Ever had one of your paintball mashup videos taken down from YouTube because some big meany decided that it infringed on their rights?  Well, now you may be able to do something about it.  The Electronic Frontier Foundation (they try to protect people’s electronic rights) believes that sticking someone else’s music track on your video is legal under fair use.  They’re looking for some test cases.  Check it out here.

Paintball Book

My book, A Parents Guide To Paintball, due out this April 16th, is swimming along.  Several new advertisers have been added to the mix.  More info about the book is available here.

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